Erasing The Last Year

I did the last two things I needed to do today. I took down his picture from my desk wall and I took his name off the answering machine. It's no longer Lauren and Patrick. Now it's just Lauren. It's so strange because I feel I'm literally wiping the slate clean on the last year and a half of my life. I'm erasing all of him from where he's been for the last year. He even left the mug I bought him from Disneyland behind.

For the first time last night I realized that my house is just that - mine! It was such a surreal sensation. I've lived with someone for so long it's strange and freeing to have only my cat now! I can watch whatever I want. Play whatever music I want. Be whoever I want to be! I keep telling people I'll be ok but I think today is the first time I really believe it. I feel like I'm slowly returning to human, that is, I'm coming alive again.

I still have my moments. Usually late at night when I get the urge to roll over and snuggle myself into his arms. Those times are hard. It's still nice to feel the overwhelming support and love of those around me. I've has such a wonderful support system even though most of them are 2 states away or more! Thank God for Facebook.

I even put on makeup for work today. Not the full nine yards, mind you, but enough that I look pretty and feel like I'm getting back to "me".

Day 24 - 341 To Go