Yesterdays AWESOME!

Yesterday was kind of the best day ever.

After months of praying, my prayers have been answered and I pretty much have a plan of how to go about improving my life. I’m SO happy!!

So my workday was hectic but I survived. I had the good news to carry me through. I got home and played D&D with some friends. (yes, I’m that chick and I’m cute!) And I had sex for the first time in the almost 2 months since Patrick left.

Now, let me clarify. I am not a generally promiscuous woman. I go into things level headed and safely but last night I needed to remember why it is I used to be so sexually confident. I needed to remember that I’m desirable as a woman and not just as a friend. And, quite frankly, I just needed the physicality of it.

When Patrick left it was a shock to me at first, but the third night I was alone in my home, walking around in my pajamas, I found myself laughing out loud. Rather than feel depressed, I felt this amazing sense of freedom!

This shouldn’t suggest that I didn’t miss him. I still do occasionally, but the largest part of my being knows I’m better off. I’d become a slave without realizing it and I was miserable. I felt like I was raising my boyfriend instead of being helped by him. To go from that feeling 24 hours a day to not feeling it at all is an IMMENSE feeling of relief, joy, and freedom!

So, in the end, I’m rediscovering myself and remembering why I don’t need a man to complete me. I learned a lesson from Patrick, the lesson of letting go. I knew he wasn’t what I needed when he came and was so immature. I should have let him leave 2 months later when he pulled a childish fit and said he wanted to go, but I didn’t. I wanted to keep trying convinced that things would change. They never did. I’ve learned that, too. Even if you want someone to change, they probably won’t. So it seems Patrick was a big opportunity for learning in my life. I only hope I learn the lessons well.